pseudo parenting

What Kind of Mother Would I Have Been?

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Growing up I always thought I’d have kids, at least two of them and if wishes came true, five or more! LOL I always did want loads of children but as life would have it, it doesn’t usually go according to plan and my maternal role is played out with my nephews, nieces, god kids and little friends.

Mothers. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Some women are a natural at it and make mothering look so easy. Yet there are some who abandoned their roles and leave vacuums to be filled by others who take up the challenge. In my lifetime, I’ve been blessed to have the former but I’ve also seen how the latter leaves permanent impact for better or worse. It’s not something I can understand, not having a mother be there for me and yet, I’ve had some friends tell me that they rather not have a mother at all than their abusive selfish mothers.

Like everything else in life, there isn’t a perfect mother and if I had a chance of being one, I would like to think I learnt from my own Mother, my Mama (paternal grandma) and my Popo (maternal grandma) and simply just love my children with all my heart. Sure, it isn’t quite as simple as that, children can drive you crazy. From my own childhood and now watching my little ones grow up, children can really test you! I hope I would have had the patience to listen, to support and to encourage.

I also hope I won’t forget to be a good wife because I think most mothers do, even fathers forget how to be good husbands. Children can take over our lives. I hope I would have remembered that it’s about being a family and not just a mother.

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I may never have any kids on my own but I definitely have kids whom I mother with all my heart; where the definition of family is much larger and Mother’s Day is just as special.

It took a couple of years but I’ve learnt sometimes life doesn’t turn out like you planned but that’s because your plan wasn’t right to begin with 🙂

The Art of Being an Adult Child

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This weekly post is a day late because I’m sitting in the Bali airport waiting for my flight to go back home to Singapore. It was the first solo weekend getaway with my Mum, it was also her first time to Bali. And it was a success, imho 🙂

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I’ve managed to make my Mum fall in love with Bali as much as I do. Honestly, before I wasn’t sure because there’s certain things my Mum doesn’t like … messy developing states and humid weather, just to name a couple but she does LIKE Bali, its massages and chilling by the villa!! That’s what I like being an adult child, being the one who opens our parents mind to something different, something new, something they would never do on their own. They did it for us while we were growing up and now as they are learning to get use to the next phase of their life -their silver years. They have to get use to us, the adult child being the ones who do the parenting.

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It’s so easy to see the stuff our parents do that drive us crazy, you know the stuff we complain about and eventually become 😉 Yah, those parts. For better or worse, I’m grateful I like my parents and if I’m eventually going to be like them, it isn’t going to be that bad. For me at least, not sure about my husband 🙂 Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t perfect … far from it but they’ve who I got and they made me. You’ve heard the saying, ” Karma’s a bitch.” I’m my parents karma despite their pretty easy going ways raising me, I’m not an easy going adult child. I’m not quite sure why, I’m just not. I yell, I’m bossy and I’m controlling as hell but I’m learning trying to figure out life, being an adult, being me and when it comes to my parents, being an adult child.

I read a good advice somewhere once about how to be a good parent. It was simple. Just show up, be present and be there. It’s true, it really is quite that simple. You can’t always be there, can’t always be present and other times you simply can’t show up. Things happen, they do but you try your darn-est. Kids will get it. Me and my sister do.

So that’s what I’m learning about being an adult child, just try my best to show up, be present and be there. Next, to show up and be present while trying to open my parents’ mind to Google Drive and Dropbox 🙂

Rachael Turns 5

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5 years ago today, after work I rushed to Gleneagles Hospital to meet my first little Goddaughter except she was in NICU and had to be there for about 48hours.  It was a little worrying at first but now that’s all in the past and she turns 5 this year.

Time seems to be flying us by and to be perfectly honest I’m not quite prepared for her turn 5.  Here’s how much I’m not.  When I was wrapping her present and her sister’s belated one, I wrote the right age for her sister, 8 and I know jolly well she’s only 3 years younger than her sister which makes her 5 but I wrote “Happy 4th Birthday”. When I collected her cake, I told the bakery I only needed 4 candles.  During the party and the girls were opening their presents I realised the mistake I did.  Yet when we were putting her candles on, I was going to put only 4 again till her 8 year old sister asked if I was alright and gave me a quizzical look like I’m losing my mind.

Yes, my baby Rachael, I’m not quite ready for you to grow up but grow up you so shall be doing.  One day, you’ll be 12, then 18, 21 and heaven forbid 30 and I’ll still treat you like my little one 🙂  Meanwhile, I’m enjoying 5 year old you.  You have this sense of humour that is pretty much like your Godpa.  You’re still super shy outside the house with strangers but a bundle of laughs when you’re all comfortable.  With your little Godsister, Caitlin, you’re the wonderful Cheachea (big sister).  I’m loving the connection we have and want to stretch your creative capabilities.  Thank you for always sharing how you see the world with me.  I live for your hugs and laughter that seem to make the world’s problems disappear.  Love you SO MUCH!!

My Niece Turns 8

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Today my first niece in my life turns 8 years old.  While I’m in Vancouver and she’s in Singapore but I’ll never let her forget how important she is in my life.  In her I see bits of her Mum, her Godma, her aunts and definitely bits of me.  I’m always so grateful for her life and how she lets me into it.  So this year on her 8th birthday, here’s my wish for her.

Dearest Mabel,

I say this every year, I can’t quite believe you’re 8 already.  You were just about 20months old at my wedding.  You’re such a tween already and in your ways I remember the growing pains of getting comfortable in your own skin.  Something I only learnt when I was in my 30s.  I’m hoping that lesson doesn’t elude you quite as long.  In the meantime, here’s Meryl Streep’s take on beauty:-

He would never imagine a blonde person could speak Italian – Meryl Streep

It’s always nice and a lot of fun to look pretty and yes, the world will always judge you by how you look.  Just remember though, it isn’t what the world thinks of you that is important.  It’s what you think of yourself and who you want to become.  Always stay true to the very best version of you.  It may take you a while to figure out who that is and when it gets tough, just remember you will figure it out one day.  Meanwhile, enjoy the ride and know we love you HEAPS!!!

XOXOXOXO

Coco Carlene

 

My Swiss Goddaughter

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5 is a sweet number and if I started earlier, I would love to have had 5 children so as of today, it’s official, I’ve got 5 godkids 🙂  God works in mysterious ways and even though it’s not how you exactly pictured it, He’ll give you what you wish for.

That’s me and Caitlin as she officially becomes Catholic.  With Pope Francis and this nun:-

I couldn’t think of a better time to be part of the Catholic family. Especially since I’m no longer a Godma virgin, I actually have a better idea of what Godparenting entails now.

So to my dearest Caitlin,

You’re in much better hands than your Godcheachea who was my very first Goddaughter.  I’ve learnt a lot through her and so will you.

I love watching how she fusses over you, can’t wait for you guys to grow up together and have as much fun as we did growing up.  Meanwhile, little one, I couldn’t be more proud to be your Godma.  The world will get a little crazy and sometimes it seems hard to understand why God lets things happen the way they do but I’ll let you in on what I found out. His will is the best for us.  It may not always feel like it and that’s where we’ll learn what faith means.  I have a hunch you’ll get there a lot sooner than I will.  Yes, like your Godsiblings, I’m pretty sure you’ll be teaching me more than I will you.

I love you to bits and though a continent and then some keeps us physically apart most of the time, you’re always in my prayers and thought.

With lots of love, hugs and kisses,

Godma

P/S: With a 4 year old, 1 year old and a 1 month old, I say this is a pretty good picture 🙂

Happy First Birthday Christian

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Like most first birthdays, my Godson, Christian hasn’t quite grasp the gravity of the celebrations.  For me and the rest of his family, we can’t quite believe it’s been a year since this little angel has graced our lives with his sweet smiles and contagious laughter.

Went over to give him his present, a train set, which I reckon will keep him entertained till he’s about three.  Guess what?  He was more enamoured with the Sesame Street sticker that was on the wrapping.  Today he teaches me to keep it simple 🙂

Happy First Birthday my little buddy!!  May your life be filled with all you need to make your dreams come true and keep your heart as pure as it is today.  Love you to bits, little one.

 

Addition to My Munchkins

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When it comes to my munchkins, I’m so grateful for this bunch.

They are the little people in my life that remind me what is important in the world and last week we have an addition to the bunch.

Today my cousin turns 40 today and she gave herself the best birthday present ever.

Hello my blog world, please meet my new niece, Caitlin and the latest addition to my growing munchkins.  Living in the 21st century means that I get daily updates from her Mummy and their new lives in Zurich but I really really wished they were at Mount Alvernia and I could just drive by to see them.  Such is the world we live in today.  The world is so small some times and other times so very big.

Good news though, she’ll be back in July!!  Can’t wait to cuddle her and show her how much love waits for her half way around the world.  For now, I’m grateful for Whatsapp/Skype/FaceTime and modern technologies that helps us stay in touch and make the distance between Singapore and Zurich shorter than the 10,286.93km it really is.

Oh yah, before I wrap my post dedicated to Caitlin, Happy Birthday to her Mummy, my cousin, Gwen who is celebrating her first birthday as Mummy and my other cousin, Cheryl who is celebrating her first birthday as a Mrs Tan!!  Celebrations all round 🙂  For the rest of us happy Wednesday!!

Inheriting Cheekiness

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I don’t know if it’s all genetics or it’s from observing how adults act around us that we become who we are and develop quirks that actually run in the family.  Growing up I noticed, I’d do things like how my parents would or my grandparents too.  Now that I’m older I even notice that among my cousins, we have this big smile that’s pretty consistent in the family.  So when my little goddaughter, Rachael is cheeky, I know it’s something that may run deep in her genes and I should know.

Who taught whom?  I wonder 🙂  In my attempt to collect pictures of us, she’ll sometime sabotage the picture taking.  As above the example reflects.  Her sense of humour cracks me up.  I’m waiting for the time when she’s a tween and it’ll border belligerence … again something I can completely relate too.

All I can say is my heart goes out to my cousin and his wife … they should really ask my parents how they dealt with me and my smart ass 😉

Lunch Time Toddlers

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The last time I caught up over lunch with this little young’un was nearly a year and a half ago.  That’s pretty much half her lifetime.  Though I’ve seen her since then, namely during her Godma’s wedding and prep, it’s a long over due lunch date :p

She’s a little girl who’s a big sister now.  Just about 2 weeks ago, she welcomed her baby sister Mikayla into this great big world.  I love little sister pairing.  Guess I’m kinda bias because I’m one half of a sister pair.  Back to the Belle.  She may look like her Dad but she’s definitely got her aunt/Godma’s gene strong in her too.

Over lunch, her Godma and my dear friend, Gen said to me, “It’s like I gave birth to her.” I totally get it, this pseudo parenting that is slowly but surely getting more and more popular.  We don’t actually carry the babies and don’t fully adopt them but the love and connection is just as strong.  Here’s when I realise the saying that it takes a village to raise a child, makes so much sense.  Nothing replaces the bond a parent has with their child, it gives every child the fundamentals that they need and why good parenting is so damn important.  Aunts, uncles, grandparents, godparents, teachers, mentors, adult friends, they all play different roles that fill these children’s wells with more love, support, life lessons, guidance, direction and examples that they can reach into when life gets tough.  And life will get tough but they’ll keep learning from us.  Just like how we’re better from our parents’ generation, they will be better than us.

There is much hope for the world so have a happy Monday everyone as I take another shower to cool off from this humid heat in Singapore.

 

Being a 30 Something

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I said it before, I love getting older and the 30s with all it’s ups and downs (some pretty heavy downs too) I love love love it.  It’s about becoming more aware, growing a soul and generally hopefully becoming a better version of my crazy and spontaneous 20something self.  So when I read what Anton Casey, all of 39 years old, did online, I’m like WTF!!  Seriously, dude, you deserve everything you’re getting because at 39 years old, you have no excuses.  None at all.  What in the world were you thinking when you posted this on social media?

Sure, I can see how someone can quietly crack a joke like that in the privacy of their own bedrooms on their 2500 thread count Egyptian cotton bedsheets and think it’s remotely funny but on Social Media?!?!  And ok, I can also see this being done by a reckless teenager who grew up never having spent time with their parents, not ever lifting a finger and having other people pick up their crap.  But a 39 year old father?

Like my Dad always says, “In time, the laws of the universe teaches us all what we need to learn.”  It’s a pretty painful lesson to learn at 39 years old but oh so, necessary if his thoughtless post is any representation of who he really is.  In my household, it’s called growing pains and better to learn at 39 than not at all, I say 🙂

Another reminder to me that anyone can read this blog and while it exists mostly for me to remember who I was and how I think at a point of time, I’m hoping it also helps create a habit to be responsible about how I think and what I say or write.  It is about a journey of growing up.  My journey of wearing out my skin, getting it to a point where it’s so comfortable, my ego doesn’t exist and when the time comes for it to give way, I’m happy with how I lived but this is a public platform and so I shouldn’t write every thoughtless thing that comes into my head because yes, every once in a while my mind shocks me too with some of the poppycock that pops up.  That’s why being in your 30s is cooler than being in your 20s.  You can call out your own BS, you know better and that some jokes shouldn’t even be whispered out loud.

Wonder what turning 39 this year will reveal and maybe the 40s could be a decade even better than my 30s?  One can hope 🙂

In the meantime, happy last weekend of the Snake year!!