The Art of Being an Adult Child

This weekly post is a day late because I’m sitting in the Bali airport waiting for my flight to go back home to Singapore. It was the first solo weekend getaway with my Mum, it was also her first time to Bali. And it was a success, imho 🙂

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I’ve managed to make my Mum fall in love with Bali as much as I do. Honestly, before I wasn’t sure because there’s certain things my Mum doesn’t like … messy developing states and humid weather, just to name a couple but she does LIKE Bali, its massages and chilling by the villa!! That’s what I like being an adult child, being the one who opens our parents mind to something different, something new, something they would never do on their own. They did it for us while we were growing up and now as they are learning to get use to the next phase of their life -their silver years. They have to get use to us, the adult child being the ones who do the parenting.

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It’s so easy to see the stuff our parents do that drive us crazy, you know the stuff we complain about and eventually become 😉 Yah, those parts. For better or worse, I’m grateful I like my parents and if I’m eventually going to be like them, it isn’t going to be that bad. For me at least, not sure about my husband 🙂 Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t perfect … far from it but they’ve who I got and they made me. You’ve heard the saying, ” Karma’s a bitch.” I’m my parents karma despite their pretty easy going ways raising me, I’m not an easy going adult child. I’m not quite sure why, I’m just not. I yell, I’m bossy and I’m controlling as hell but I’m learning trying to figure out life, being an adult, being me and when it comes to my parents, being an adult child.

I read a good advice somewhere once about how to be a good parent. It was simple. Just show up, be present and be there. It’s true, it really is quite that simple. You can’t always be there, can’t always be present and other times you simply can’t show up. Things happen, they do but you try your darn-est. Kids will get it. Me and my sister do.

So that’s what I’m learning about being an adult child, just try my best to show up, be present and be there. Next, to show up and be present while trying to open my parents’ mind to Google Drive and Dropbox 🙂

Fairy Tales and Survivor

Survivor, the reality TV series is in its 34th season. Yes, 34 and among my social circles, I’m one of the very few who still watches it. Most of my dearest and nearest can’t quite understand and wonder why I still do.

Well, it’s because it’s really like real life. Every season I watch it going, “OMG that’s exactly what happens in the office or on the roads to at a sale in a department store.” In the TV series, I get why these contestants can get ruthless, they could possibly get a million dollars at the end. In my real life, I don’t understand why some people can be the worst version of themselves for the most insignificant of rewards. Maybe for them, it may not be a million dollars but enough to throw human decency out of the window.

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But but but every so often there will be a season that makes me realise in Survivor or real life, good guys do and can win. Not often, just enough and that’s all I need. The world IS filled with shitheads and douchebags. I’ve even had the unfortunate opportunity to be acquainted with some of them but I don’t live for them and all the toxicity they bring.

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I live for the fairy tale moments shared between kind, compassionate souls. And truth be told, even shitheads and douchebags are capable of them and those are the moments, the good days that make everything else worth while. Like the last episode of Survivor: Game Changers, the moment when crazily competitive contestants let a Mama goat and her kid go and choosing not to kill them for food. I never thought I’d ever see it on Survivor. When I did, my heart warmed up and knew at the end of the day decent humanity will always triumph.

 

Kong: Skull Island

Alright there will be spoilers so if you haven’t seen Kong – Skull Island and don’t want to know anything except that it is a really fun ride, please stop reading now.

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For the rest of you, it’s Monsters on an Island and Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t win but the creature work is breath taking. It’s a good monster movie with enough eye candy to keep everyone happy. Geeks because there’s so many so many monsters and monsters going full on at it with each other. Well animated monsters with out of this world abilities. Happy happy  happy. Girls too, will be happy, there’s Tom Hiddleston ‘nuff said and the boys have Brie and Jing who managed to keep their hair in place the whole movie. Even when they were running from monsters, out of this world type of monsters.

Story wise, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting so I think that’s why I was sufficiently satiated. Like I said, it’s a monster movie so keeping it real is a good way to go. I was expecting out of this world creature work though and I wasn’t disappointed. My fascination with creatures started when I was about 7 and saw the Kraken come alive in Clash of the Titans. The next time I was 18 and after watching Jurassic Park, I walked out of Lido believing that dinosaurs were well and alive. ILM definitely did not disappoint again and it was extra warm and fuzzy because ILM Singapore had a big hand in this movie too. Kong was awesome as the beast with amazingly believable eyes. The eyes  always give bad computer graphics away and that’s why I wasn’t disappointed. The director Jordan Vogt-Roberts sets up the scenes with the eyes really well too where the close ups of the human’s eyes and Kong’s eyes were shot in the same way. Now I am really excited about Kong vs Godzilla now! Something to look forward to in 2020.

Till then, I did fall in love with Kong and somewhere in my heart, I do long to be the girl in the middle of his palm and then I start to wonder what would he smell like?

Kit Kats and the Afterlife

Today is my Grandfather’s birthday. He would have been 88 so I’ll say a little prayer, have a Kit Kat and remember that all my fiesty-ness comes from him. My Kongkong loved Kit Kat. When he was in his wheelchair and barely had any teeth left, he’d still smack his jaws together and ate Kit Kat. It’s been more than a decade since he called heaven home, I still can’t see a bar of Kit Kat, not think of my Kongkong and wonder what happens in the afterlife.

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I grew up Catholic and for all intent and purpose, I suppose I’m still a practicing Catholic but as I venture into my 40s, I have a more complete understanding of spirituality. No one can actually tell you what happens after you die. Some have tried and whether you believe them or not comes down to faith. My faith was built on Christianity but my unspoken understanding of what happens when we die comes from somewhere much less structurally cognisant.  Not something I can articulate clearly but death always gave me some kind of comfort. Sad for sure, only because I’ve lost the physical form of someone I love. For whatever reason, it wasn’t a fearful concept and when my first grandparent passed away, I was even more certain when it’s my turn, they will be on the other side and I have absolutely nothing to worry about. Just lots of catching up to look forward to 🙂

Does it come from my Catholic faith? I don’t think so. Is it past lives? Catholics don’t believe in past lives and that’s a concept I can’t quite get my head around. That’s a whole other post I can write about. Back to afterlife, I don’t have a logical explanation but I always seem to innately know there is life after death. It was never a question for me. Life just continues, keeps going, I don’t know how but something in me just knows it does. I’m definitely not saying I’m right, I could totally totally be wrong. Who knows? If there’s any way I can come back and let you know, I will.

Meanwhile, this 40 something tries to take in each moment and remember in the scheme of eternity this moment is literally a blink of an eye. With that, in this sliver of time called today, I’ll throw a little caution to the wind and have myself a Kit Kat 🙂

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Half Way There

Boom! Right on schedule, cue feelings of uncertainty, lack of direction and hello!! We have a mid-life crisis approaching.  If you ever read this blog, you know that I have this silly hunch that I’ll expire at 84. The last couple of months have pretty much confirmed this hunch so I better take good care of myself if I have to last another 42 years.

That’s beside the point. What actually is the point then? These feelings of uncertainty, unsatisfied yearn are so familiar yet subtly quite different. At 21, I had them … this sense of clueless-ness. This time it feels like the same thing but not … exactly. For one, I’m a lot more confident that whatever the next year (or the next 42 years for that matter) may throw at me, I’ll be alright. I may have to adapt to new normals but alright I’ll be. That’s the key difference between a quarter life crisis and a mid-life one. You’ve gone through enough “plans not happening” and coming out of the other side that few things faze you anymore.

Yet there’s the same uncertainty because well, that’s life, if it’s anything we can depend on, it’s change. Change we can’t control which normally would drive control freak me a little on edge, I’ve come to learn to accept. To surrender. If anyone told me when I was 21, I would have to learn to surrender, I would have to laugh in their face because I was taught to always fight and fight hard. Some times it’ll pay off, other times it won’t but you have to fight. As of yesterday and at 42, I’ve come to acquire SOME wisdom and know now the ability to surrender isn’t a reflection of myself or some ego-filled acknowledgement of the virtues I’ve come to have in my older age. It is a blessing bestowed on me through the lessons from the first 41 years of my life.

Truth: the more I try to control, the less I have control of. At the end of the day, it’ll be alright and be just between me and Him. I’ll let you in on a secret though, I haven’t really learnt to completely surrender yet but hey, I’m only half way there. Lots of lessons learnt, a lot more to go 🙂

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The Little Mermaid

I remember being 14 and loving this movie.  Little did I know, I’d actually build a career around animation.

My slightly more than 2 and a half year old godson, Christian recently saw it for the first time and Under the Sea is what he’s got the beat for nowadays.  So during our date yesterday, he and I watched it together.  Despite being 27 years old, The Little Mermaid doesn’t feel dated at all.  Still made me do a little jig, root for Ariel and wish I could be a mermaid.

In 2037, I hope when people watch the reruns of Insectibles, they’ll feel the same way 🙂

 

Where Have I Been?

It’s been more than a year since my last post.  Close to 15months.  What’s been happening in  my life?  I was wrapping up on a job towards the end of 2014 and started a brand new job in 2015.  This brand new job was kinda going back into production, which I totally forgot how full on it can get when you pull up your sleeves and get deep into it.

So that’s what essentially happened.  Work took over my life – spending most of the year with an amazing team of people, creating and telling stories, seeing it all come together.  Honestly, 2015 flew right by so quick I barely remember it.  That’s why as I turn 41 today, I’ve decided that I’m going to be more conscious this year.  This year isn’t going to be too different on the work front … in fact, it just might even be a tad more hectic but it isn’t something impossible.  Even if it is, I’m going to be more aware of the decisions I make, the choices I have and the people who make my life as wonderful as it is.

Life will always overwhelm the best of us and we may be stuck between a rock and a hard place but how we look at it is always up to us.  Check back tomorrow when 41 and a day old though.  I may be singing a different tune :p

Till then, 41 is pretty good!

Choosing Peace and Love

Every now and then I come across something or someone making a change that I want to see in the world.  It inspires me to be the change I continually want to see happening.

If a son of a terrorist can choose peace and love, I can’t expect anything lesser of myself.

At The End of The Day

I stumbled on an article that made me reflect about how I live my life – 10 Things That The People Who Love Their Lives Are Doing Differently.  I’ve met people like those mentioned in the article and they’ve all inspired me to lead a live that I love.  The first thing that ever made me realise that’s how I should lead my life is a poem by Mother Theresa:-

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give the best you’ve got anyway.

You see,
in the final analysis it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.

 

39 and a Half Years Old

6 months more to go and I’ll be yelling, “Hello 40!!”  Still a work-in-progress and with half of the year gone, it’s clearer today that honestly all you need to get through mistakes you’ve made is a sense of humour and time.  I always say this that I’m really lucky with my family and friends.  At this stage in life, I’ve come to realise there are toxic friends and in some sad cases, there are toxic family too.  You owe it to yourself to rid all toxic relationships.  It’s hard, very hard but filling our life with love and positive support gets you through any problem.  Lucky me, all the love I’ve surrounded myself with over the last 39 and a half year has reaffirmed how a sense of humour is the key to getting over suffering.  Also why I married my husband because he can make me laugh.

6 more months before I turn 40 and to usher that in, I’m off to Bali with my wonderful friends who’ve shared their love, laughter and pain.  All of whom will turn 40 before me and showed me that age is truly just a number and laughing over spilled milk is the best way to get over it.