Breaking Up

I was reading a post of someone I know who went through a break up … and like the song goes breaking up is HARD to do. There really is no easy way to do it. I’ve been through a couple myself and now that I’m older and hopefully, a little wiser too, I’m actually very grateful I never married my first love :p No offence to him, in fact, he and a couple of others through my time with them and through our break ups taught me so much … made me who I am, the woman that my husband wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

I dated quite a number of people but major relationships, I’d say I had 3. 3 that left deep impressions on me and when they ended made me ponder on who I wanted to be with and the kind of person I wanted to be in a relationship.

So if there’s anything I’ve learnt about relationships and breaking up it’s that you can’t do it by yourself. It’s a shared thing, as cliche as it sounds, it does actually take two hands to clap. I’m the sort who even before marriage never started a relationship just to try things out. It was always for the long haul for me. So when things got bad, I’d hold on as long and try as hard as I can to make things work. Sometimes I found that I lost myself and other times the person I was originally with was no longer there. Each time it never got easier but I learnt.

  1. There’s nothing you can do, if the other person has already walked away. So when you want to get married, look for someone who’s going to fight as hard as you to keep it together. Lord knows, you may be the one who needs help to hold on and keep fighting. There are no guarantees in life but I reckon, better start there.
  2. It is truly sad and not to mention rather pathetic, to be with someone and yet feel lonely. I know now I much rather be alone and be justified in my loneliness than be with someone who makes me feel lonely.
  3. Like. You have to like the person you’re going to share the rest of your life with … simply because the passion, that crazy, can’t eat, can’t breath type of passion, the one that usually causes people to get together, it doesn’t last. It comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tide … more than that, it’s something you have to keep working on and during the dry spells or low tide, at the very least you guys like each other 😉
  4. Compromise but never lose yourself. This for me was the toughest lesson to learn. I’ve learnt it alright but I no where close to mastering it. It’s a balancing act and for me in marriage, it’s something I’m still trying to get right … and quite honestly, so is my husband :p
  5. And there are always second chances, from all my failed relationships and those I’ve witnessed around me, love is always around the corner 🙂 So never stay in an unhealthy relationship because you think there’s no hope. For one thing, you ALWAYS deserve better 🙂

I’m not quite sure who this post is written for and maybe when one of my nieces or nephew is going through a breakup, I can send them a link to this post. In a nutshell, break ups are tough but necessary, they help us become better halves and teach us the kind of wholes we want to be a part of. So when you find that someone who completes you, you know you never want to let them go 🙂

5 thoughts on “Breaking Up

  1. I love your post. There were relationships i had where i found myself changing, and not necessarily in a good way. It’s sort of like i subjugated the need to be ME, and was becoming more like the other person so that we “fit better”. What hurt most was the realisation that i needed to walk away. The rational side of me knows that it’s better and more healthy to walk away, but the emotional side of me will war against that decision.

  2. Thanks 🙂 Yah, that’s the perennial struggle, the one between the head and heart … … we live and learn 🙂

  3. Pingback: More Breaking Up « Carlene's Dailies

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