40 phrases for work

It’s Monday and yes, I wish I wasn’t in work but I’m encouraged by an email a good friend sent me last week, we’ve all read it before and like she said it’s still funny. Some days, I wish I could pull a couple of these lines at some of the meetings I have to sit through … positive thoughts now … in the meantime, I’ll enjoy the Ally McBeal moments that happen only in my head when I actually say one of these lines 🙂

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  3. How about never? Is never good for you?
  4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
  5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
  6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
  7. I’m out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
  8. I don’t work here – I’m a consultant.
  9. It sounds like English, but I don’t understand a damn word you’re saying.
  10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
  11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  13. I have plenty of talent and vision – I just don’t give a damn.
  14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
  18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
  20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn
  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  23. And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
  24. Do I look like a f..king people person to you?
  25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
  27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  31. Oh, I get it. Like humour. Only different.
  32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
  33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
  34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
  36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is finally done.
  37. How do I set a laser printer to kill.
  38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
  39. I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
  40. Wait a minute – I’m just trying to imagine you with a personality.

P/S: Oh yah … Happy Birthday, my dear husband 🙂 Thank you for continually inspiring me to be a better person. That’s the other reason I wish I wasn’t in the office but at home with him … … so at 6:30pm today, no one gets in my way or they’ll get a #14 … at the very least a #20 🙂 Have a beautiful week ahead y’all!!!

4 thoughts on “40 phrases for work

  1. Thanks guys 🙂 Aaron says thanks too!!!

    Pinky> #14 and #20 from the list above lah 😉

    misinterp> I actually know a couple of people in the office I can say those exacts lines too 😛

    Logam> You’re so sweet 🙂 Hugs … but can’t take too much credit, it mostly goes to my parents, my sister and Aaron 😛 I’m coming down to Peach next week for a meeting so I’ll catch up with you then.

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